Overcoming Domestic Violence

Overcoming Domestic Violence: Chevon's Story

October is a special month as it marks a month of awareness for many important issues that affect the homes and lives of many. Domestic violence is one of these grueling issues. While domestic violence awareness should be spread all year round, this month is especially dedicated to shedding a spotlight on the hardships that victims endure while offering support. When people share stories of how they’ve overcome, they can empower women (and men) suffering at the hands of their abusers to break free and overcome.

Overcoming My Battles

Today, I want to share my own story and discuss how I was able to overcome and survive domestic violence. It’s by the grace of God that I’m able to share my story and stand victorious over my past. I’m here to say that it is not impossible. You can and will break free! I am a testimony of that, and so are many other survivors.

Overcoming domestic violence was not easy. It was a mental, emotional, and spiritual battle filled with many tumultuous ups and downs. Before I broke free, I would often make excuses for my abuser. I would overcompensate for him in hopes that he would eventually become the man that I desperately desired and needed him to be–but time and time again he failed. And the cycle of violence, betrayal, and heartache persisted.

During the journey, it was apparent that God was speaking to me, although I didn’t realize it at the time. He spoke to me through dreams and he used the people in my life to guide me in the right direction. I would receive revelations, hear God telling me to praise, and pray my way out.

So I obeyed.

His presence was a comforting and reassuring beacon in my life. I can recall having a vision of Him rocking me in a chair, consoling me through my pain. It gave me the strength I needed to hold on when I wanted to give up. I didn’t get through it all alone. At the time, I had a spiritual mother, Yolanda Watts, who took me under her wing. She was unaware of how toxic my relationship with him was, yet her active presence in my life was a blessing in disguise. She would encourage me, pray over me, and often took me to prayer meetings which helped me to grow my faith and pushed me to know God more intimately. As I reflect on those moments, I realize that growing my relationship with God was my strength. I’m forever grateful that God placed her in my life when I needed her most.

Creating My Exit Strategy

After years of suffering emotional, physical abuse and cheating, I decided enough was enough. I was silently suffocating and I had finally reached my breaking point.

I was with a man who took and never gave. Destroyed and never built. Whose words were like sharpened knives that chipped away at me relentlessly. I knew I deserved better and wanted better for my life and my children.

Before I finally drew the line, I was deep in prayer. I prayed that he would change, prayed that the circumstances would shift for the better. But nothing was resolved.

So, I created my strategy. I was in charge of the financials and paid every bill. I knew that if I allowed the lights to cut off in the home, he wouldn’t pay for it. This situation forced us to vacate the home and go our separate ways. I took the opportunity to move in with my mother. While living with my mother there were still many hardships that I had to overcome. Shortly after moving in, my home was in foreclosure, I was unemployed, and on food stamps. While my circumstances were unfavorable, I didn’t let them define me. God was bigger than all of it! I stepped out on faith and began looking to purchase a new home while picking up the pieces of my life.

My abuser got comfortable living elsewhere while I lived with my mom. My strategy had worked! I was physically separated from him and isolated from the relationship.

However, the time had come when I finally closed on my newly built home in a new neighborhood. While I was ready to continue on my healing journey and start anew, he found his way back. He asked for another chance, which, I granted under the condition that he remain faithful.

He did not.

Upon this revelation, I allowed myself to get out of character, to the point of chasing him around his car, yelling unpleasantries at him. I then realized, why? Why was I doing this? Berating a man, creating a scene in this new neighborhood, the place where I wanted to start anew and create a different life for myself. It was at that moment that I truly decided that I was done, and officially closed that chapter in my life for good. God had brought me through so much, I couldn’t go back to the life he delivered me from.

By the grace of God, I was able to persevere and reclaim my life through self-love and discipline. Whenever these negative feelings come bubbling to the surface, I cast them down immediately. I’ve already won

How Can You Overcome?

If you find yourself stuck in this vicious and exhausting cycle of abuse, you need to get out. It’s not as easy as it seems, and it took me years of gathering the mental strength to do so, but the harsh truth is that there’s no way around it. You must get out of the relationship, especially if you have children. You do not deserve to tolerate abuse. You deserve a soft life, easy love, and a healthy relationship that makes you grow, not shrivel and shrink.

When a partner abuses you, it is like a flower’s petals being plucked. We identify flowers by their petals in the same manner in which we identify trees by their fruit. When the petals are gone, the flower is unrecognizable. The same is true for you as it was for me. As the cycle continues, it breaks you down into someone unrecognizable.

It’s time to grow again. It’s time that you are watered, that you are nurtured, that you are placed in an environment that will help you grow and thrive–even on your rainy days.

You deserve to bloom.

If you or a loved one are experiencing domestic violence, don’t hesitate to make the call.

Please visit the National Domestic Violence Hotline or dial the Domestic Violence Hotline at (800)-799-7233.

Yours Truly,

Chevon Nicole